


light my way back home

by casualhomesatanism



Series: Genyatta Week 2017 [4]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 08:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11353413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casualhomesatanism/pseuds/casualhomesatanism
Summary: It's easy for Genji to forget that progress isn't straightforward—that his fears are real, his experiences are real, and his love for Zenyatta is absolutely real.(genyatta week day 4 - summer festival, but like, angsty because i have traditions to uphold)





	light my way back home

Genji, to put it lightly, fucking hated fireworks.

 

His supposed death, and subsequent time with Blackwatch, had traumatized him to near the point of no return, and he knew that, but for the most part, he was fortunate enough to avoid genuine triggers on a day-to-day basis. But stationed in a nondescript hotel room in Chicago, on the night of July the Fourth, he quickly came to understand that even he could be torn to pieces by something as harmless as lights in the sky.

 

Well, not lights, per se. Sounds. Explosions. There were only four people in the tiny room, which included a wasted Jesse McCree stomping around on the balcony and cheering at every burst of color. Hanzo had been relegated to making sure he didn’t fall, which quickly turned from ‘babysitting’ to ‘partying’ as he pulled out his own personal stash of liquor and got just as sloshed as his friend. Zenyatta was performing some routine system maintenance in the kitchen, mostly in stasis but still glowing blue from his forehead, and Genji was hyperventilating under the bathroom sink.

 

As soon as the  _ cracks  _ and  _ bangs  _ started outside, Genji’s heart had begun to race, and within twenty minutes or so there were tears streaming down his face underneath his mask. Jesse and Hanzo, being outside, hadn’t noticed how hard he was shaking. Since it seemed like they were genuinely having a good time for once, Genji didn’t want to ruin it, so he stumbled into the bathroom and locked himself in, where he could sit on the cool tile and hold himself until he calmed down. The only problem, however, was that he didn’t seem to be on the way to calming down. He’d taken off his mask to dry the tears on his face, but they didn’t stop coming, Even with lungs that were mostly synthetic, he couldn’t control his breathing, and the longer he sat alone, the more negative his thoughts became.  _ Don’t bother Jesse and Hanzo, they’re happy for once. Don’t bother Zenyatta, he needs to take care of himself. He’s already spent years working on you anyway; how pissed would he be to see that you’re still like this? _

 

Zenyatta didn’t get pissed, to be fair, but the thought only made Genji cry harder. How did he ever deserve the serene omnic? He put up with years of this, panic attacks and meltdowns and everything from irrational fears to running hand in hand through foreign cities as old enemies hunted them down. And Genji could only thank him by ruining their one night off. At least, he’d ruin it if they found him. Then they’d all have to take care of him, pathetic Genji who can’t look after himself, and everything Hanzo used to tell him was true, he was just the hopeless little brother who could never—

 

“Genji, is that you?”

 

Despite his anger, mostly toward himself, Genji was instantly soothed by the soft tones of Zenyatta’s voice. “Y-yeah. It’s fine. Don’t come in, please.”

 

“You sound as if you’re crying,” countered Zenyatta. He hadn’t tried fidgeting with the door yet, for which Genji was thankful. He’d been found, but at least he had some space. Once again, Zenyatta was too fucking good for him.

 

_ You don’t deserve him. You don’t deserve him. You need help, sure, but not from him, you don’t deserve him.  _ “I’m alright, Zen. I’m sorry I bothered you.”

 

“You never bother me. I was simply seeking out your company, and heard you in here.”

 

_ YOU DON’T DESERVE HIM,  _ Genji screamed internally, tucking his face into the metal plating on his knees to stifle another round of sobs. “I-I-I’m sorry. I don’t w-want to ruin your night.”

 

He heard Zenyatta shuffling around outside, announced mostly by the soft whirring of his mechanics. “May I come in? I want to help you, if at all possible.”

 

“I…” Genji sneezed, startling himself, and then reached up to grab a fresh tissue and wipe off his sticky face. “Zenyatta, I don’t…”

 

“You’re not ruining anyone’s night, Genji. Everyone here values your happiness and safety, myself most of all.”

 

Hesitant and still trembling, Genji crawled toward the bathroom door and reached out with one hand to unlock it, then swung it open to reveal Zenyatta hovering only an inch or so from the floor. He opened his mouth to try and explain himself, but his mentor cut him off. “Fireworks?”

 

“Um. Y-yeah.”

 

Zenyatta floated silently into the bathroom and closed the door behind himself, before lowering his metal legs completely to the floor. “I didn’t think that you would want McCree and your brother doting on you as well,” he explained when Genji glanced up with eyes still full of panic.

 

“Oh. Yeah, I appreciate that, thanks.” He sniffled a few times, then startled when Zenyatta reached a hand out—an established gesture,  _ can I touch? _ —and choked down another sob. “P-please,” he whispered.

 

“You will be alright,” murmured Zenyatta, first clasping a hand on Genji’s shoulder and then pulling him closer, closer, nearly into the omnic’s lap. “Are the sounds reminding you of something in particular?”

 

Genji sighed into the metal pistons in Zenyatta’s midsection as his forehead came to rest in the middle of his mentor’s chest. “N-no. This hasn’t happened in so long, honestly, I thought I was better than this…”

 

“There will always be setbacks, Genji. You have not failed yourself just because you’re reacted to experiences you’ve had.”

 

This happened every time, as far as Genji could tell. He just deflated, falling forward all the way into Zenyatta’s lap, and let the omnic’s arms pull him into an embrace that was surprisingly comfortable for two people made mostly of metal. As Zenyatta continued to murmur affirmations, reminders that Genji was as human as could be and would continue to experience human emotions, Genji slowly regained control of his breathing and felt the tears dry up on his face. He heard Jesse and Hanzo come inside, loud and drunk and laughing at one another as they closed the sliding door and stumbled onto the couch. Zenyatta’s smooth fingertips stroked the ribbon streaming from the back of his head, then danced up and down the shape of his metal spine. He kept breathing.

 

Zenyatta was making a strange sort of hum, halfway between a human’s singing and the mechanical whir of his own parts, and Genji could swear that it was acting directly on his frayed nerves as he sank even farther into his embrace. He spoke before he could think, before he could stop himself, but his words were too certain to deny.

 

“I love you, Zen.”

 

Seconds passed, one, two, and then Zenyatta’s whirring grew the tiniest bit louder. Genji didn’t expect him to answer. He’d be happy to sit here, stewing in his own mixture of emotions, as long as Zenyatta was willing to be patient with him, and besides, he barely even registered what he’d just said.

 

Zenyatta, on the other hand, had plans of his own. He pulled back enough to look Genji in the face and lifted his synthetic chin with one hand, until their eyes met and his forehead array glashed in slow synchronicity. “Genji,” he murmured, voice more emotional than Genji had heard it in years, “I love you too.”

 

“O-oh,” Genji whispered, suddenly speechless upon realizing just what had passed between them.  _ “Oh.” _

 

The bathroom fell silent, the last fireworks finally gone, and Zenyatta leaned his forehead against Genji’s and held him as if nothing on the planet could tear them apart.

**Author's Note:**

> fall out boy lyrics?? in MY titles??? it's more likely than you think~
> 
> I've written something about how much I hate the 4th of July ever since I stopped going to see fireworks when I was 13. (Autistic teenager + fireworks + mosquitoes + snobby rich strangers = disaster.) I am upholding the tradition and also projecting some of my own experiences with panic attacks and trying to refuse help because I Don't Deserve It onto Genji.
> 
> so, yeah, a lil darker than my last few, but it needed to get outta my system, I guess.
> 
> hope you all enjoyed it!! i seriously can't believe i'm actually doing writing prompts like a real writer!!!


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